Ten Things I Learned Since Becoming a Widower

Why is grief so hard? It is a personal experience. The grief you own is yours alone. The circumstances are as unique as you are. If only you could talk with someone who has experienced the loss of a loved one, you may learn something to help you along your way. Navigating through grief's journey is still very difficult for many of us, even though you think you may be prepared. You may have experienced anticipatory grief from the impending death of a spouse or a loved one, though you are never fully prepared for your loss. Your journey becomes a learn as you go experience.

I found someone who I could talk with and learned from, and then someone else, and then someone else. In the almost seven years since I became a widower, I visited with several hundred widows and widowers, and listened, and learned about the tragedy of the losses they experienced. I learned that although we are all different, through the bond of common loss we are all the same.

I am a list guy. I make lists. After a while I made a list of ten things I learned. I shared this list with numerous widow and widower groups I belonged to, and also shared a number of essays and poems about loss and grief. I've been told, "Write the book!" The same people told me they not only wanted a copy for themselves, but copies for friends and family so they may learn what experiencing loss is like from someone who has experienced loss firsthand and has been on the journey. Part One is the list, Ten Things I Learned Since Becoming a Widower, and a chapter about each item on the list. Part Two is a collection of essays and poetry about loss and grief, the low parts and the hope. There is hope.