Why does it hurt, Bapi?: A father and son’s story of love, growth, and joy

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Speaking to children about pain and loss is hard. As a new father, I began to wonder how I could speak to my little guy about why pain exists and why he will have to feel it.

The theme of the story is that pain is real, but there is often more to it, if we can just stand it in the moment. As his son feels hurt at different stages of his life, the father offers his son what he learned himself through his own pain. And if he allows himself it, he may be able to learn - and maybe even find joy - from the pain as well.

The book is meant to be more than something to read to children, it is meant to speak to adults as well. The final two sections will likely be the most affecting for parents and adults. In the penultimate section, the child asks me about the hurt he feels when he sees his own baby, and in the final section, I turn the questions around, and ask my own son why my old knees and back hurt.

I feel like I have learned that pain can be more than the immediate hurt that we feel in the moment, that pain might be a sign that we cared for - and loved something - greater than ourselves. This book is my attempt, with humility and vulnerability, at sharing that with my child.