Embracing the Dawn

I found myself at a gun counter to purchase the weapon I would use to kill myself. At the last moment, I decided instead to check myself into the Ohio State University Hospital emergency department. At the intake desk, I simply said, "I need help. I'm planning to kill myself." Anything that I might use to harm myself, belt, shoestrings, ink pens, was removed and they placed me in a room with soft walls, but they didn't seem very interested in what was actually happening in my life. I was diagnosed as suffering from a major depressive disorder, prescribed medication, given a safety plan, and an appointment with a psychiatrist. They called one of my friends to meet with us. Then, they discharged me. The profound crises in my life all had been reduced to a mental illness with a pharmacological fix. Suicidal thinking is the result of multiple factors, including the experience of unbearable, inescapable, and isolating pain. Suicide is a means of coping with that pain. This book of daily readings is focused on the healing process. It is only one element of a larger recovery plan that may include family, friends, mental health professionals, mentors, and, in some cases, medication. As you engage in these readings exercise faith in your own healing process. Suicidal thoughts don't usually develop overnight, and they don't retreat quickly. We must keep doing our daily readings and give the Spirit time.