Frequently, we blame our parents for the outcome of our lives but are not willing to accept that our parents did the best they could with what they had in parenting. At the same time, our parents' pain and brokenness did not start with just them; it started before them, and for some reason, they were unfamiliar with the broken cycle they carried. Picking up a broken baton can be heavy to carry, but it's possible. Having no direction and having the courage to dive deep into the family tree to study pathology led me on a mission to deconstruct behavior that was consuming me to conform to the dysfunctional pattern placed in front of me.
I had to take a step back to study my behavior, own the pattern, and permit myself to do the work on myself so that my legacy would have a better chance than what I experienced. When you know better, you do better and take the necessary steps to activate your faith.
Many times, I prayed to be accepted as the person God anointed me to be and to equip me with the ability to make a difference. However, there is a price you have to pay, and the pain you endure places you in a position to want to quit. At least, that is what it seems like: a setup to stay in mediocrity.
You see, all I desired was to be able to see and experience different because all I could relate to was levels of trauma. Regardless, however long it takes for me to be consistent in doing the work to be on the road to healing was my mission statement. I had to accept that trauma raised me, but I was determined to change that narrative and be healed on so many levels. The more I open myself to be stretched to gain the experience of something unfamiliar, the more the attack from the enemy I would receive. Sometimes, the enemy may not be in your immediate family or a friend. This enemy could be you. You are battling with yourself to continue to grow as an individual. When growing as an individual, you have to be open to going on the journey alone and sometimes go in the dark before reaching the point of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Once I accepted the tunnel was in a dark, cold, and wet place, I still wanted to push myself to the limit of completing the assignment that I knew I could finish. Because all I knew was disappointment, abandonment, abuse, neglect, and the list goes on and on. However, it was up to me to place all bets on me to go in a direction that many are afraid of going to save myself from self-destruction yet once again.
Join me as I take you on the journey of the dark tunnel, which I call my sacred place. Because I believed that God did not give me a vision that would steer me wrong but also accept my assignment when I agreed to the contract, I call my purpose in life. To heal, you have to dig deep. Keep digging.
