FLEMING If You Are Reading This Then Drink Water

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How would you describe life? If you bumped into God and it asked you to give an overview of what life on Earth was like, what would you do? You wouldn’t tell it one long, drawn-out story. Not at all. You’d give it a mixed bag of quick stories to give it a good taste of what life is.

Now imagine you’d been asked this question on a warm day. It was a fierce warm day, and you’d forgotten to drink water. You’d become delirious from the dehydration and now you had to explain to an alien what life on your planet was like. You might begin to drift in and out of reality on that particular day. You might describe events that could never, and would never happen. Those stories might look something like the ones in this book.

If that day did somehow come about, and you did find yourself talking nonsense to an infinite being on a lovely summer’s day, I’m sure you’d never again forget to keep yourself hydrated.