It all started in 1975. I was fifteen years, three hundred and forty-four days old, nothing but a kid, albeit a kid they’d highlighted in The Year Book as a ‘hard case’. I was four months out of juvey, give or take, and I had a swagger, an edge, abrasion …

So begins the hilarious, often vexed, and constantly twisted life story of Teri Louise Kelly in this first volume of her memoirs. Writing as the boy she once was, Teri takes us into the cloistered world of swanky hotels in England and Paris.