Description

This diary shows how recovery is possible. During the first half of the Diary, Fearne is experiencing a whole host of delusions and dysfunctions. His sense of beauty is gone, his sense of pleasure is gone, he feels that light can somehow enter his mind and damage it. But as the diary proceeds, all of his afflictions begin to subside. He starts an odyssey of reading the great classic texts of the western cannon. What’s more he starts meeting women!

This second edition of the book contains a new preface outlining some of the great things Fearne was to go on and accomplish. He has been ill subsequently, but has never stopped believing in the adventure.

About the Author

Dr Paul Fearne suffers from schizophrenia, and has done so since 1998. He has completed a PhD on schizophrenia, and his first book, Diary of a Schizophrenic, was launched at the 2010 Melbourne Writers Festival. He regularly appeared on radio, and even on TV a few times. He has launched books at Readings booksellers in Carlton, and Parkville. He co-hosted a radio show on 3CR, exploring mental illness and poetry.

Book Extract

I wonder if I’ll be able to write like I once did. After all that has happened to me and my mind. Will the store of ideas suddenly dry up? I sincerely hope not. For a start I’m not too sure that I like this laptop. The keyboard doesn’t seem to suit my style of writing. The sound effects are also getting a little bit on my nerves.

Somehow I think that my ability to write my memoirs has left me. It doesn’t feel like the flow is there. I guess having you’re emotions destroyed is very crippling to the creative process. Anyway, we’ll see how I go in my next assignment. I have a feeling it won’t be of that B plus standard, which is a shame because it was quite a pleasant surprise to find that mark on my last paper. I hadn’t scored a B plus for quite sometime. Oh what am I thinking of, of course I’ll get a B plus, I should be aiming for an A after the progression my grades have taken; C, B minus then a B plus. The logical progression is an A. Well enough of this preoccupation with grades.

I’m getting the desire back to study and research, but I feel my mind is simply not up to the task any more. Its so frustrating, I just simply can’t feel my emotions anymore. There’s no sadness, no happiness, no response from my emotions whatsoever. There also seems to be no critical responsiveness from mind. When I read a piece of my work there isn’t that critical faculty there anymore, there’s just this blank emotionless slate which I peer into. Oh cruel fate, to cast upon one such as myself this burden of living without emotions. How does one live when there is no pleasure in anything! I used to live with a very acute sense of emotion, feeling everything that happened to me with a strong emotional punch. This is more than one person is able to stand.