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How can an average lad from Sheffield go from living a normal life to attempting suicide twice, having 3 psychiatric hospital admissions and being sectioned under the mental health act? My story delves into my life, in parts it is shocking, in others it is enlightening but what I try to do is give a true account of my life living with Psychosis, Depression and Bi Polar. I hope I can try to break down the barriers of mental health and go some way in reducing stigma. It’s hard to put into words the unimaginable darkness that can descend upon your life in such as short amount of time. It feels like the lights have been switched off in your world and the sun has set for the very last time. This decent into oblivion is beyond description, the fear that runs through your core is like something you have never felt before. You try to fight against this black hole that you are being dragged into but you cannot. You are buried deep in the void, a perpetual abyss far beyond human imagination. They say pain doesn’t last forever but here it does. You know there is no way of being set free, the feeling of despair, loneliness and dread consumes every fibre of your being and distinguishes any fraction of hope left within you. Life becomes a waiting game, you know your purpose on this earth is no more and you are now an unwanted item that is waiting to be disposed of. Although you know the end is approaching you cannot find peace within yourself, your time on this world may be over but your fears of your next destination are so powerful that you cling on to this life with all you have. There is nothing left inside you except survival but you know you cannot survive forever and soon the day will come when you depart this life and move onto the next. This isn’t just a bad day and despite popular belief you can’t pull yourself together and simply snap out of it. Sometimes behind the biggest of smiles hides the deepest of sadness. Inside you are slowing dying and you simply feel like no one will ever understand or make things better. Contrary the feeling of immense power that consumes your body and mind is impossible to quantify. Everything that you ever dreamed of is now becoming a reality. You have no fear of anybody or anything, your time has come to change the world for the better. Welcome to the world of Bi-Polar. There is no choice with this illness or any other mental illness, you cannot opt out. Unfortunately you’ve been handed a life sentence with no chance of parole.
