Selma Brazinsky is an average-looking, thirty-four-year-old, single, full-figured woman who has never had an earth-shattering orgasm with any man. Almost as frustrating are her Mama’s attempts to fix her up with one loser after another. So Selma joins the Love Connection, an Internet dating service, tagging herself, Experience Wanted Sally.

She meets men all right. There’s Barrel of Laughs Mike, who needs sniffs of oxygen at the most inconvenient times, Harvey the Ballroom Dancer, whose feet are numb due to diabetes, and long-bearded Big Bubba who reminds her of the Duck Dynasty guys. Then along comes Jessie, the lovable porn-shop owner whose kinky toys, costumes, and sexual finesse overwhelm her. Is he the one? Can Selma finally abandon her Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, and Tom Hanks rubber dildos forever?

In this hilarious, page-turning novel, Selma admits right off the bat that she’s a slut, and goes on to recount the adventures that have earned her the right to claim she’s that infamous four-letter word.