Astrology–what is it good for? According to Alberto Toribio, The Dirtbag Astrologer, this ancient art is best for getting laid, destroying your enemies, and improving your life. Not necessarily in that order. But maybe in that order? Toribio guides readers through the horrible ins and outs of the twelve sun signs, from Cancer the Simp to Aggro Aries. You will feel attacked, and you will laugh bitterly about the signs of your exes, and afterwards, you will follow Toribio through the whats and whys of Moon and Rising Signs, Houses, Transits, and other crucial information that will lay bare your emotional truths and maybe elicit a giggle or two. Follow along for this lovingly degenerate handbook to the stars from an astrologer who will give you the hard truths, even when it hurts (especially when it hurts).