Bliss

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Primary intimacy is the innate capacity to fall in love and stay in love. Infants seek it with their parents. Lovers seek it. Parents feel it for their children. During infancy, it can be defined as positive \“primary intersubjectivity\” (Trevarthen, 1979), during which infant and parent engage in mutual mindreading and establish a blissful mutual understanding of one another. Legerstee (2005) distinguished between optimal and dysfunctional forms of primary intersubjectivity. Optimal primary intersubjectivity is primary intimacy and true bliss. Dysfunctional intersubjectivity develops into insecure attachment (Ainsworth et al, 1978) and the inability to establish and maintain primary intimacy in adult relationships. In adults, primary intimacy is called \“limerence\” (Tennov, 1979) and is mistakenly viewed by some as an \“addiction\” (Alcoholics Anonymous) or a sexual instinct (Freud). Properly understood, primary intimacy is the foundation of real love and friendship and will eventually provide the basis of a new social order.