Fear Gone Wild: A Story of Mental Illness, Suicide, and Hope Through Loss

A pastor’s wife’s shattering yet ultimately hopeful story of her husband’s death by suicide, her journey to understand mental illness, and the light she found in the darkness.

On August 25, 2018, Kayla Stoecklein lost her husband, Andrew–megachurch pastor of Inland Hills Church in Chino, California–to suicide. In the wake of the tragedy, she embarked on a brave journey to better understand his harrowing battle with mental illness and, ultimately, to overcome the stigma of suicide.

Fear Gone Wild is her intimate account of all that led to that tragic day, including her husband’s panic attacks and debilitating bouts of anxiety and depression. Despite their deep faith in God and the countless prayers of many believers, Andrew was never healed of his illness. Turning to Scripture for answers, she discovered that God uses wilderness experiences to prepare His children–including Jesus–for his greater purpose and to work miracles inside our souls.

With a clear-eyed acknowledgment of how misguided and misinformed she was about mental illness, Kayla Stoecklein shares her story in hopes that anyone walking through the wilderness of mental illness will be better equipped for the journey and will learn to put their hope in Jesus through it all.