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There's a very thin line between happy and sad. Good or bad. Wrong and right. Life and death. She always felt like She was stuck on the tip of that line. She wanted to cry, instead she laughed. She wanted to die but continued to live. Life felt pointless and since everything has opposites, she was only left to believe there is something about death. Maybe that's the excitement though. Death will always be unknown. She prayed every day she stayed on that tip. Or got pushed over to the right direction. But who's to say what direction is right? So that's why she cried or laughed. At the end of the day, it was all the same.