Tell Edna, My Horse Is Sorry for Eating Her Flowers!

Akin to most epic stories, this tale launches in a seedy bar and quickly evolves into a bizarre story of wilderness adventures, venomous creatures, geriatric horses, a randy dog, utter stupidity, friendships, love, and family. John Blackwater first met Davy, his sister Mickey, and their drunkard friend Louie in a dive bar in Flagstaff, Arizona. A week later, they were volunteers studying fish with him in the Little Colorado River. There, they fished, shared their camp with a rattlesnake, became stranded overnight by a major flood, a scorpion stung Louie's right testicle, and John abruptly quit his U.S. government job. Thenceforth, they all hiked to the confluence to join a private rafting party and experienced the grandeur, rapids, wildlife, pandemonium, and camaraderie of a Colorado River expedition through Grand Canyon National Park. During the river trip, Mickey and Davy coaxed John into participating in a cross-country road trip to visit their aunt and uncle living in the Adirondacks of New York State. John was initially reluctant because he'd be trapped in a vehicle with that idiot Louie and Davy's repulsive girlfriend, but eventually consented because he adored Mickey and craved sharing this American adventure with her. During their transcontinental journey, they exhaustively explored Yellowstone National Park, provided rides to assorted hitchhikers, and had a divine encounter with a vagrant. After reaching their final destination, a series of chaotic events transpired, some having potentially devastating ramifications for everyone's future lives.