As a new widow, I expected profound sadness, but was thrown off-guard by changing relationships and unexpected social awkwardness.

I was upset with well-meaning people who:

• offered words of wisdom

• compared their prior losses to mine

• introduced me as a widow before I was ready

• failed to include me

• assumed I’d be back on my feet after a year

I was upset with myself for:

• seeking too much sympathy
  
• asking for help too often
  
• responding unhappily to invitations
  
• telling my story of loss to strangers
  
• sharing the worst side of me with my closest friends

In 45 essays, two voices describe the social challenges I encountered. My personal voice is overwhelmed with grief and my changing identity while my voice as a psychologist attempts to identify what I can do for myself to cope and move on.