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In his second book Actually, It IS All About Me (Reboot Your Thinking was published in 2016), Nick Bowditch discusses the importance of putting yourself first in both mind and body. Nick talks openly and honestly about his mental health issues and how they affect where he puts himself on the ladder of needs (usually near or at the bottom when he is struggling and closer to the top when he is going well). When I am low, I can quickly spiral into a self-pity cycle that usually ends up in me lashing out, or acting out, in order to make myself feel better or make someone else feel worse. Just as easily, though, when I am low I can slip into a desire to act submissively and relegate myself down the rungs of importance in my own thinking. I can assure myself that even if I am no good, worthless or unlovable at the moment (all mostly lies that I tell myself when my mental health isn’t as good as it could be), I can still make sure everyone else is flying. I can devote my time to making sure everyone else is getting everything they need, while parking my own needs and wants almost entirely. But when I am going well, and my mental health is closer to the best it can be, I can see that I do deserve some attention and love and respect - and not the least some self-love. I can see that I am worthy, lovable and important. And I can start to place my needs back up near the forefront of my thinking, instead of submitting and concentrating on everyone else’s.
Actually, It IS All About Me looks at how to completely change our thinking so that our own needs are the most important. How to see what it is that stops us, and has historically always stopped us, from putting ourselves first. How to see the difference between selfishness and selflessness, and how we are the ones responsible for our own happiness. How to see how we can heal the trauma and disappointments of our childhoods, and see what we are truly capable of.
