The Great British Limerick Book: Filthy Limericks for (Nearly) Every Town in the UK

Surely it can’t be done. But it has been done. For the first time in the history of mankind someone has been dedicated enough and fool enough to write a filthy limerick for every town in the UK which unlike Leeds or Devizes doesn’t already have a classic filthy limerick to call its own. From Land’s End to John o’ Groats, The Great British Limerick Book has a filthy limerick for your town, for your uncle’s town, for your cousin’s husband’s ex-wife’s town …. as long as it’s in the UK and as long as it isn’t one of those few places that are really impossible to find a rhyme for. There are over 900 limericks in the book. A lot of them are hilarious. Most of them are very funny. All of them are filthy.

Guildford, Surrey

At McDonald’s in Guildford in Surrey
I spilt coffee on my crotch in a scurry
I had to act quick
To cool down my dick
So I stuck it into my McFlurry

Nuneaton, Warwickshire

There was a young man from Nuneaton
Who really enjoyed being beaten
And squeezing his knackers
With a pair of nut crackers
And riding a bike with no seat on

Bath, Somerset

There was a professor from Bath
Who employed twenty-five research staff

To measure size and direction
Of his every erection
And to plot the results on a graph

The Isle of Skye, Scotland

When I was on the Isle of Skye
I overdid the old Spanish fly

I had a stiff member
From the fourth of December
Till Friday the tenth of July

Ashington, Northumberland

In Ashington there was a miner
Whose wife was a fashion designer

One night to his shock
She dressed him up as a cock
And herself as a six foot vagina

Hackney, Greater London

As a chemist I worked once in Hackney
And invented a treatment for acne
But one ingredi-ent
Was semen I’d spent
And they thought that good reason to sack me