I stood on the deck of the Islander; wind blowing through my hair and thoughts racing through my crowded mind. Although I had taken this journey many times in my life, this time was very different. The closer the ferry got to the Island, the more restrictive my breathing became. I felt suffocated as panic took over; that kind of panic that makes you sweat and feel sick to your stomach; that kind of panic that makes the room spin and makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs, HELP!!! I can’t breathe!! I felt trapped and I just wanted to jump over the side of the ship and swim back home to safety; to denial; to alcohol, which dulled the pain.