Ad’ Astra

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Do you suffer at the hands of boastful brats, petty parents, nasty neighbours, sour siblings or flippant friends? Well we might have the answer for your problems (not guaranteed). Through modern technology and age-old wisdom, our experienced and highly educated team (that's a blatant lie if I ever saw one) offer, unique gifts in the guise of everyday goods that will leave everyone better off (not ruddy likely) for a low, low cost. (We take cash as a deposit and make a profit of your most valuable assets, for example, the ability to walk.) RUSH IN TODAY AND TAKE A JOURNEY TO THE STARS, AND WONDER AT OUR GREATNESS.

(If you rush in without fixing your own problems through conversation, hard work and common decency, you are an ill witted beast.) Alan Akar the 1st, proprietor of Ad' Astra [Ad' Astra has recently moved from ye old England and has been taken to the city of Adelaide, South Australia in the suburb of Magic's End. This suburb is magically placed within a real suburb in the south near an upgraded shopping centre. It was shifted in 2008 because of accusations made by the Inquisition mob.] Advertisement in the local newspaper in the summer of 1587.