Why You’re Still Single is not about chasing men, so you will not need a butterfly net. It is not about making them chase you, because they are not wolves and you are not a bunny. Relationship experts Evan Marc Katz and Linda Holmes do not suggest that you treat men like hostile alien presences, pretend you don’t understand football, buy padded bras, or refuse to call people back. But the benefit of other people’s experience might point out a few things that are tripping you up, no matter how much of an amazing, smart, hot, totally worthwhile ass-kicker you may be as a general rule.

They recommend: Honesty (usually), playing fair, shutting up (sometimes), speaking up (other times), respecting that voice in your head that says You’re doing WHAT? , making compromises, knowing when to cut bait, good sex, giving yourself a break, being needlessly generous, and periodically leaving your apartment.

They don’t recommend: Pretending to like what you don’t like, treating winking and giggling like a Get Out Of Jail Free card, testing people, stubbornness, martyrdom, talking everything to death, and convincing yourself that you’re desperate.