Jo Case spoke to authors Intravenus De Milo, Hunter McKenzie-Smythe, Flash Johnson, Enron Hubbard, E. Chas McSween and Michael Jayfox about their book of Things Bogans Like.

What’s the difference between the ‘harmless’ bogan and the aspirational bogan?

Fundamentally, the ‘harmless’ bogan is self-actualised. It is comfortable in the knowledge that it likes cheap beer, pub rock and machismo. It does not need the validation of its peers, strangers or celebrities. It does not hold Harvey Norman in as high a regard, will not be caught dead in a brightly coloured t-shirt with a picture of an aborted dragon, and does not want to smell like Usher. It does not aspire to be something it is not. We like it.

How do you spot a bogan in the wild? What might we see a typical bogan wearing, doing or driving?

It is nearly impossible not to spot a bogan in the wild. Typically, the bogan is known to emit a radioactive hue created by its garish clothing combined with the pungent stench of its celebrity-endorsed perfume. Its eyes are rarely ever seen as they are obscured behind loudly branded D&G or Christian Dior sunglasses. It is likely to be yelling into its mobile phone, whilst simultaneously listening to very loud ‘beats’ in its fluorescent Australian-made automobile. Looking directly at a bogan in the wild for more than five minutes is likely to result in maximum retinal scorching. Caution is advised.  

‘The bogan’s love of free money lies at the heart of all our economic woes.’ Why?

The bogan’s love for free money lies at the core of what we call ‘Boganomics’. The twenty-first-century bogan is gifted with the attention span of a blowfly, which means it must act immediately, without giving the time to consider the consequences. For the bogan, it is more important to get a 50” plasma screen NOW, than to consider the attendant financial culpability that it will have to grapple with 18 months down the track. Of course, skyrocketing consumer debt can have dramatic consequences, but the bogan has learnt nothing from the global financial malaise which it helped create. It continues to add to its Elvis Presley-esque collection of TVs, and amass jet skis and McMansions with an unabated appetite. Resultantly, the entire global economic system teeters on the edge of a knife which is jointly wielded by the bogan and its international brethren. The bogan cares not. 

You write that sex addiction is ‘the bogan’s favourite fake addiction’. Why?

Sex addiction provides a convenient scapegoat on which the bogan can blame its sexual proclivities. More importantly, celebrities are commonly known to be ‘sex addicts’, which only serves to increase its allure. Thus, when the bogan finds itself in a spot of infidelity, it reassures itself that it simply suffers from the same disease that allowed Tiger Woods to cheat on his wife.

Underbelly

The bogan loves Underbelly because, much like Big Brother, the bogan can see itself on Underbelly. Despite its own criminal activity being mostly petty, and distinctly disorganised in nature, the bogan likes to think of itself as being pretty gangster. But a steady diet of US crime films, television series and rap music has left the bogan bereft of suitably celeb Australian gangster role models. Underbelly provides the bogan with ample role models – amped-up criminals with ocker accents, behaving at their absolute bogan worst. Underbelly also contains Matt Newton, who the bogan forgave for bashing his partner, but has now bashed another partner, giving the bogan yet another chance to forgive him at a later date. The bogan likes this.

You observe that the female bogan has adopted the Playboy brand as an expression of feminism. How does this work?

Interpretations of femininity vary from person to person, but for the female bogan, it generally relates to showing as much cleavage as possible. Female bogans believe that they can attract suitable breeding partners by making their sexuality as visible and confronting as possible, the result being that they attract the bogan male, who also has little appreciation for subtlety and good taste. Playboy is a natural fit for this system. The female bogan knows that the Playboy Mansion has awesome parties, champagne, luxury cars and heaps of money. The female bogan wants these things, and will display its pornographically branded G-string and car-seat covers with pride. This, to the bogan female, is feminism.

What is the role of the letter ‘x’ for the bogan? How are some of the ways it is employed, and what does it signify?

The most important symbol in the bogan alphabet, the letter ‘x’ signifies extremeness, maximumness, and, most of all, maxtremeness. In a nutshell, the letter ‘x’ is used to make things awesome. For example, a kid named Jackson would undoubtedly be small, weedy and wear glasses, whereas a Jaxxon would be the toughest kid in the playground and captain of the footy team. Marketers have long known the mystical bogan hypnotising powers of ‘x’, and have used it to stoke the bogan’s desire for products such as Lynx, the manly diet cola Pepsi Max, Xtreme triple-blade action disposable shavers, and The X-Factor.

‘The bogan is living a constant audition to be a contestant on

The primary boganic appeal of Big Brother is the illusion it created that anyone can be famous; nay, that everyone deserves to be famous. Just for being them. This tickles the bogan in a particularly special place. Big Brother has since been axed. But the dream of being famous with very little effort is still alive in the bogan’s mind. The bogan is now hastily signing up for multiple short courses in order to develop world-class skills in cookery, singing, dancing and/or survival in extreme wilderness environments by extracting the nutrient-rich fluid found in elephant poo.