Parents start out with certain ideals: I will never use bribes, I will never raise my voice, I will never use the television as a babysitter…

So, just for fun, here’s a list of gorgeous children’s books for the new, discerning parent, and another list of equally brilliant books that give a slightly more realistic picture of life with kids. As a professional in the field, I recommend a healthy dose from both of these lists.

IN AN IDEAL WORLD YOUR CHILD…

…appreciates the classics…

• Pride & Prejudice: A Babylit Counting Primer by Jennifer Adams and Alison Oliver: Why not combine learning to count with a basic knowledge of the classics? I think Pride and Prejudice is the best of the bunch but there are now lots to choose from, including Wuthering Heights, Dracula and Anna Karenina.

• Cozy Classics: Jane Eyre by Jack Wang and Holman Wang: Classics boiled down to 12 words and illustrated with felt characters that are so appealingly cuddly and just the right amount of wonky.

…eats vegetables…

• I Like Peas by Lorena Siminovich: I love the freshness of this illustrator’s work and the clean lines are ideal for a baby’s first books.

• Grow It, Eat It: A cookery and gardening book in one that suitable for those with veggie patches or just growing a few herbs in a pot.

…sleeps like a…baby…

• Kissed By The Moon by Alison Lester: A gorgeous lullaby by one of Australia’s best-loved picture book artists; serenely beautiful.

…uses their time wisely…

• Iggy Peck, Architect and Rosie Revere, Engineer by Andrea Beaty and David Roberts: Brilliant picture books about being creative, thinking big, having courage in your own ideas, learning from mistakes and carrying on.

…loves their new sibling…

• I Love My Baby Brother and I Love My Baby Sister by Anna Walker: Melbourne artist Anna Walker has such a simple, dreamy style that it’s perfect for the family-orientated stories she’s become famous for. With Jane Godwin she’s part of a dream-team creating Australian picture books, see Starting School, All Through the Year.

…is polite and always thinks of others…

• Pirate Pete and Princess Polly Say Please and Thank You by Ladybird: A great combination of sound button (which children love) and manners (which parents love). You never know, it might just work.

• Lost and Found by Oliver Jeffers: The sweetest story about a little boy who finds a penguin on his doorstep and goes to great lengths to get the little fellow back where he belongs.

• Sharing A Shell by Julia Donaldson and Lydia Monks: A very clever, fun story about a crab, an anemone and a bristleworm who are having trouble getting along in tight quarters.

IN THE REAL WORLD YOUR CHILD

…only wants

• I know it. You know it. Peppa Pig rules.

…loathes vegetables

• Eat Your Peas by Kes Gray: A really funny take on the way parents try to bribe their children to eat vegetables. “You can have dessert” soon escalates into “You can have anything you want. And a swimming pool.”

• I Will Not Ever Never Eat A Tomato by Lauren Child: The ideal sibling, Charlie, tries to convince a very stubborn Lola that vegetables are interesting and worthwhile. Tomatoes are not really tomatoes, they are “moon squirters”.

• The Princess and the Peas by Caryl Hart and Sarah Warburton: Refreshingly, it’s a father trying to get a child to eat vegetables in this book by inventing appealing new recipes. Mm, pea smoothies.

• Bread and Jam For Frances by Russel Hoban and Lillian Hoban: Can you eat too much bread and jam? Frances doesn’t think so, and sings a quiet song of rejection to the soft boiled egg she’s presented with at breakfast: “I do not like the way you slide, I do not like your soft inside…”

…is not sleepy / will not go to bed…

• I am Not Sleepy and I Will Not Go To Bed by Lauren Child: Poor, put-upon Charlie is needed again but this time for Lola’s bedtime routine.

• Max and the Won’t Go To Bed Show by Mark Sperring and Sarah Warburton: If it sometimes seems as though your child is making a career out of refusing to go to bed, this book may appeal.

• Go The F**k To Sleep by Adam Mansbach and Ricardo Cortes: The bedtime book that’s strictly for parents. A great way to let off steam.

…has tried to sell their new sibling…

• Bye Bye, Baby Brother by Sheena Dempsey: Little Ruby is feeling overlooked. Her patience eventually wears so thin that she plans to magic away her baby brother.

• Stupid Baby by Stephanie Blake: Simon is a rabbit who is a distilled version of the sense of injustice inside every child. You’ll love him and be glad he’s not yours. Also see Poo Bum and A Deal’s A Deal.

• The Swap by Jan Ormerod and Andrew Joyner: Caroline is convinced that she can do better than the baby brother her mum has saddled her with. So while Mum’s back is turned she attempts to swap him.

…gets into a mess…

• Peck Peck Peck by Lucy Cousins: A fun book about what happens when Daddy Woodpecker teaches his kid to peck. Soon there are holes all over the place (and literally all over the page). Nothing is safe once this woodpecker gets going.

• Ella Kazoo Will Not Brush Her Hair by Lee Fox: As the mother of a child who lives under a permanent birds’ nest, this one is deliciously close to the truth for me. Lively rhyme.

• Spot Bakes a Cake by Eric Hill: Cooking with children. Always fun. I love the way you can somehow tell that Spot’s mum, Sally, is feeling a little frustrated on the inside despite her calm demean-our. Or maybe I’m just projecting.

…has tantrums, frequently, in public…

• My Big Shouting Day by Rebecca Patterson: Although it’s rarely funny when your child is screaming at you, in quieter moments it’s fun to remember that what set them off was “my biscuit is broken”. And if you have a friend who needs an extended laugh on the subject, give them Reasons My Kid Is Crying by Greg Pembroke.

• Poo Bum by Stephanie Blake: Simon the rabbit thinks the two best words in the world are “poo” and “bum”. It’s possible this book was inspired by my own son. And yours.

• There Is A Monster Under My Bed Who Farts by Tim Miller and Matt Stanton: Of course, it’s never children who are to blame - it’s those monsters.

Emily Gale