A passive aggressive gift guide for Father's Day
Socks and ties are all very nice, but if you want to give a gift with layers upon layers of hidden meaning here’s a guide to some of our best passive agressive recommendations for Father’s Day this year.
For the Dad that needs to embrace his bald noggin (coughPrinceWilliamcough)…
Illustrated throughout with pictures of 70 real-life and pop-culture icons from Captain Picard to William Shakespeare, Baldies will encourage the follicularly-challenged to love their chrome dome, and proudly join the ranks of the bald and the beautiful.
For the Dad who needs to update his wardrobe. Stat…
Shame your father into abandoning his socks-and-sandals with Alone in a Crowd. Photographer, blogger, art director and fashion enthusiast Giuseppe Santamaria shares gorgeous menswear looks from the most stylish cities around the world – including Sydney and Melbourne.
For the Dad who spends every weekend at Bunnings…
Don’t get us wrong. There’s a time and a place for garden centres, but it’s not All Day, Every Day. Plus all those sausage sizzles can’t be good for him. So give him a subtle hint with Five Lose Dad in the Garden Centre, a tongue-in-cheek homage to Enid Blyton’s classic Famous Five series.
For the Dad who teases you about being single…
Look, Dad. It’s not as simple as all that. Dating in the modern era means negotiating through a quagmire of fedora hats and dick pics, and unless you’ve experienced the hell that is Tinder in person you have no right to tell us we’re being too picky.
For the Dad whose political leanings are a little bit more right than you’re comfortable with…
Nothing spoils Sunday lunch faster than an argument over political ideologies. In Too Right satirist James Colley channels Peter Chudd – Australia’s leading conservative privileged white man – in a series of rants about everything from global warming to racism. In Chudd’s own words, this book is: ‘Superb! A work of Genius!’
For the Dad who’s really embracing that Grumpy Old Man thing…
David Mitchell is one half of the comedy duo, Mitchell and Webb, who are the brains behind the hit TV show Peep Show. Barely into his 40s, he’s nevertheless seizing his inner Grumpy Old Man. Thinking About it Only Makes it Worse is a very funny look at everything that’s wrong with the world – from Hollywood’s obsession with sequels and remakes, to the fact that someone’s created chocolate-flavoured toothpaste.
For the Dad who calls his daughter ‘little lady’, ‘princess’ or ‘[her husband’s] problem now’…
Despite what Tony Abbott would like to believe, being the father of daughters isn’t enough to make you a feminist. If your father is still living in the fifties you might be well-served gifting him one of the brilliant new feminist memoirs gracing our shelves – we particularly recommend Fight Like a Girl by Clementine Ford. Pair it with one of our Feminist Tees for him to wear once he’s finished.
For the Dad with writing aspirations…
God forbid you discover – as Jamie Morton did – that your father was so inspired by the success of Fifty Shades of Grey that he decided to pen his own erotic novel, but if your Dad is an amateur wordsmith then the absolute trainwreck that is Belinda Blinked; 1 ; modern story of sex, erotica and passion. How the sexiest sales girl in business earned her huge bonus by being the best at removing her high heels. (actual title) might provide some insight into what he should avoid… My Dad Wrote a Porno is the fully annotated version of the book that launched the world’s funniest, filthiest podcast.
For the Dad who needs to learn how to cook more than cheese on toast…
Not all dads are useless in the kitchen, but if you’ve got one that is then Short Cuts to Glory is the perfect first step into culinary independence. With basic recipes from some of Australia’s best chefs, this book has step-by-step tips methods and plenty of tips and tricks to help inexperienced home cooks get started.
For the Dad who ruined your childhood by dressing up like a clown for a birthday party…
Clowns are terrifying, and there is no excuse for dressing up as a one for a child’s birthday party. If your Dad still doesn’t get it, maybe it’s time to introduce him to Stephen King’s classic horror novel, It. There’s a film adaptation in the works right now, so it’s the perfect time to visit the town of Derry (just stay away from the storm drains).
For the expectant Dad with a fear of fatherhood…
David Lynch’s debut feature film, Eraserhead, turns 40 years old this year, and it’s the perfect immersion therapy for expectant dads dreading fatherhood. (No one does dread better than Lynch). Left alone to care for a baby after his girlfriend flees, Henry is pulled through a harrowing, oppressive dream world of images and sounds. You can safely say that pretty much every father’s experience will be much less scary than this. Plus, it’s a hugely influential work of art, and Stanley Kubrick’s favourite film.
For the Dad with poor netiquette…
This one is for those Dads who initiate private conversations in the comments section of your Facebook page and didn’t get the joke about breaking the internet by typing ‘google’ into Google from The I.T. Crowd. Also appropriate if the only contact you have with your father these days is when he forwards you spam emails.
For the Dad whose jokes aren’t nearly as funny as he thinks…
There’s a reason why bad jokes are commonly referred to as ‘Dad jokes’. If your father is someone who regularly regales you with terrible jokes and meandering anecdotes try inspiring him with a book written by someone genuinely funny, like Tina Fey. Bossypants is Fey’s bestselling autobiography, and it’s a warm-hearted and witty look at her life and career.
For the Dad who always beats you at chess and scrabble…
Just in case you’ve been living under a rock, Cards Against Humanity is a wildly inappropriate and oft-offensive card game that has become a global phenomenon. Our tip? Don’t try to play it with him. You might win, but you’re unlikely to enjoy the journey into the darkest corners of his psyche.
