You see, I don't play football, basketball, or baseball. I don't play golf or tennis. I don't sing and dance, nor am I an award-winning actor, comedian, or movie director. I am not a member of a gang. I have not murdered anyone. I have never shot anyone. I have never been shot. I have never been incarcerated. I did not drop out of school. I have not fathered children then abandoned them, and I am not addicted to drugs or alcohol. However, I am a man who happens to be a citizen of the United States of America whose descendants originated on the continent of Africa. I was married to the same woman for thirty-seven years, and I have two sons: Fred and Daniel. I am just your average guy. Unfortunately, average guys never make prime time unless they do something extraordinary, unorthodox, or stupid. Before I go any further, let me caution you about my weird sense of humor. Warning: I am the "bent can" your mother warned you about. This is my memoir. It is a menagerie of biographical and anecdotal stories. And with that, you have been warned. Let us begin.