Have you ever been paralyzed with the decision to leave a marriage that your entire foundational upbringing had prepared you to stay in?

Have you thought, "I will not make it through this"?

This book of poems explores a codependent woman growing up in cultish, evangelicalism. She explores how her childhood allowed her to disassociate from a young age. She gets married at 19 to her first boyfriend and stays in an emotionally abusive marriage for almost 2 decades. Helen Joy experienced extreme depression, self harm, and suicidal ideation as she stays in the marriage like a "good Christian wife" should. Following a suicide attempt she finally leaves the marriage and embarks on a healing journey as she unravels decades of pain, including pain from her church. The poems and photo portraits are grief stricken and yet hopeful.

Poems cover a variety of subjects including:

purity culture IBLP and Bill Gothard cult teachings emotional abuse mental health stepping away from organized religion therapy body love finding worth finding love

Think you're not a poem person? This book tackles heavy topics in a digestible manner. Poems are various lengths, don't rhyme, and vary between endearing and hilarious.

Don't want to read something depressing? This has a steady upswing and a beautiful feeling of spring to it.

If you want an insider take on the grief of divorce and the growing pains of leaving what feels comfortable, this book is for you.