This story offers insights for adoptees who have struggled, as I did, to untangle the shame, confusion, and anger that can accompany adoption. It also opens a window for those who do not know what it is like to be adopted.
It is a story about the power of truth. We are not born feeling shamed or rejected; we acquire those corrosive feelings through the actions of others. The source of my shame was not adoption itself but the choices others made, telling lies and keeping secrets from me. People are surprised when I say how ashamed I was to be adopted, in spite of the unwavering love of my parents. Yes, I was loved, but that didn’t erase my need to know the truth. As each thread of truth was uncovered, the story of my life became more coherent. Shame, confusion, and anger resolved to understanding and acceptance.