How to Be a Film Critic in Five Easy Lessons addresses the serious matter of the increasing gap between the published opinions of professional film critics and the reception of popular film by traditional movie-goers, especially millennial movie fans. Recent reactions to the low grades emanating from Rotten Tomatoes, the iconic film review aggregation site, have inspired various constituencies to call for significant changes, including some major studio CEOs, some actors, and the readers of reviews themselves. A new generation and breed of film critics is needed, not raised to please baby boomers or Generation X movie fans, but younger viewers who make up 30% of ticket buyers. This study examines all this and offers five categories of film reviewers plying their trade as models of consistency. New critics have to start somewhere, most often in college film classes, and deciding what type of critic one wants to be begins here.