As parents, we want to shape our children into emotionally mature and healthy human beings. But we cannot effectively shape our children’s emotional well-being until we’ve addressed our own traumas and emotional needs.

In It Starts with You, marriage and family therapist and parent coach Nicole Schwarz offers a nonjudgmental, shame-free guide to parenting children with a calm confidence. Working from a place of grace and compassion, she encourages us to explore how our history, thoughts, and assumptions impact our parenting decisions. Moving away from traditional discipline strategies, Schwarz focuses on the importance of having a calm brain, connected relationships, respectful conversations, and a coaching mindset with our kids.

It Starts with You lays out a five-step process you can turn to whenever you’re stuck in a difficult parenting situation. Each step is grounded in research and presented in a way that is easy to understand. Rather than adding unnecessary pressure, we learn that kids do not need perfect parents, but parents who are willing to learn, grow, and move forward with them in a positive direction.