Life is a process of mutual persuasion. Whatever our walk of life much of our everyday energy in interpersonal, intergroup and international relations is directed at trying to get others to do as we want, to change their behavior or beliefs. Change can evoke resistance, tensions rise, people find themselves in conflicts they cannot see a way out of. They precondition talks; become entrapped by escalation dynamics; struggle to listen effectively; misjudge one another's intentions, capacity, commitment or competencies; and make choices whose consequences they haven't thought through. Current and future relations become marooned on unresolved issues from the past. Some see better returns in perpetuating than resolving differences. Predatory neighbours and difficult political, social and economic conditions reduce the wriggle room for creative problem-solving. Drawing on 35 years of experience as a mediator in a changing South Africa, as a conflict scholar, and as a trainer across over 30 countries Mark Anstey shares insights into how people have broken through such impasses.