a]I read in one of those pregnancy books that at this stage, if you listen closely, you can hear your childas heartbeataso I put my ear to my wifeas burgeoning belly attempting to hear the sounds of the life inside ofa] WHAM!!!! The child kicked me in the head. Not even born yet, and the kid is already walking all over me. And so it began. I am a new Dad, who is, and probably always will be, desperately in need of training wheels. Hapless Papa is my collection of stories written on the DC Metro train during my commute. Some stories are funny, some stories are emotional, and some stories are so exceedingly bizarre that, if I werenat in the room when they happened, I wouldnat have believed them either. Come along for the ride.