I Am. abandoned

Cancer at 8 months.Seizures and a phobia starting at age 10. My life was terror. I could go almost nowhere and do almost nothing. I was misdiagnosed, misunderstood and mistreated. My neurologists thought I was a just stupid, ignorant mess. ‘It was all in my head’ is what they told me. I was so engulfed by my own huge pain -though very valid- that I ended up hurting some of the people that I loved. How could anyone relate? And why was it that in all this, the God I had learned about in my Charismatic Pentecostal church allowed me to continue hurting? I prayed and screamed and cried but nothing. I thought He must have abandoned me. Where was this Jesus that ‘loves all the children of the world’?

And then it happened all over again in my adulthood.. How do I fill the part of a wife and mom while living with a problem that I barely got through as a teenager? And throw in there some word of faith misinterpretation.

Are you hurting? I get it, I really do. . Find some reprieve that you never thought possible.

Blaire LaClare Koop’s non-fiction, memoir/personal development book is geared towards teens -not just Christian teens either, it is broader than just that.And if you’re a parent just trying to get through your own problem, this might be for you as well.

I have included approximately 15 poems that were written by me during my teen horror and agony. They were an outlet for my pain and even now, express the pain that I can’t/couldn’t even put into words.