Dead Guys Don’t Play Trumpet

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If you’re reading this you probably already know who I am and what I do but if you’re new to me and the unadulterated fiasco that is my life, here’s the low-down… My name is Cate Bolt, people like to call me Aunty Cate or CaBo. I’m just an average middle-aged mum of nine who started an orphanage in Indonesia. My orphanage is primarily funded by me sewing ‘cunt’ on soft furnishings… and selling pictures of my tits. I live in a Walking Dead themed converted school bus and I drive a hot pink Kombi…it matches my hair. I have a few tattoos and I tend to swear quite a fucking lot. Maybe I’m not what you’d call your ‘average’ humanitarian but I have saved lives. I’ve been to some of the darkest and most fucked up places - both physically and metaphorically. I’m best known, however, as the creator of the ‘cunt cushion’ that went viral… and the customer service smackdown queen. For years now people have been asking me to compile all my best Messages From People Who Don’t Really Like Us Very Much and other replies to mouth-breathers in a handy-dandy, take-anywhere compendium - and here it is.